In her beginning, the hurtful men she encountered subconsciously made her ambivalent to the idea of true love.
The person who lights your souls on fire, and shifts the atmosphere a little when you think of them.
That's who she is to me.
I never thought about marriage, never cared to step up in that way for any other girl I dealt with, but she brings the BIGNESS of a man out of me.
I want to be better, and do better for her.
I want to give her everything she desires and more because, I'll do anything to make her happy.
Why can't she see that?
I have never felt this kind of happiness.
The kind that you don't need your mind for, but the deep enticement of joy that pours out of your heart.
"This is scary"...
She's scared that everything that feels right isn't real and that feeling confuses her.
"I love you"...
I tell her this and her eyes show fear but her body surrenders.
This is larger than what her mind can grasps.
This is undeniable and uncontrollable.
She doesn't want to do it, but she doesn't have a choice.
Can she not see my soul the way I see hers?
I choose her because she was chosen for me.
I hug her - for I want nothing more than to touch her deeper than the flesh.
I want her heart.
I want every ounce of her that craves the attention but dismisses the idea and understanding of me wanting to love her.
"I'm so confused"...
She admits and I find it cute - the faces she makes when I stare at her.
I asked her to let me love her the way her heart needs me to.
All I ever wanted - since the day I met shorty, was to let her into my heart and explore my soul but she's been hurt and hurting makes sense to her. Not this.
She'll keep toying with the idea of giving the kind of men that hurt her another chance.
That makes sense to her, she can justify it somehow.
The greatest threat to her heart is comfort.
She'd rather hide in the lie than to step into what's new and true.
It's safer to her.
I can hear her heart, the same way she hears mine.
We sit in silence and cry. Together. Listening to God.
Her soul shifts.
She feels it.
I want to love this broken woman.
I want to show her that I am hers, and all that I am is good and right for her.
I'll pick her up and place her back together a hundred times over, each time building her up, helping to give her enough confidence to know that she deserves to be mine.
That's what I'll do.
I'll love her anyway.